“A FRIEND OR A FOLLOWER” – Seminarian LUCAS J.

• 

“Good friends care for each other…close friends understand each other, but TRUE FRIENDS stay forever….. beyond words, beyond distance, beyond time…!

I have a number of followers on Instagram, Facebook and Snapchat but I have been contemplating if ‘my followers’ are my TRUE friend after an Instagram Live chat with the Trinidad and Tobago Catholic Youth Commission on ‘Friendship’. Saint Maximillian Kolbe once said “God sends us friends to be our support in the whirlpool of struggle. In the company of friends we will find strength to attain our sublime ideal.”

What really is friendship? Pope Francis defines friendship like this, “A friend isn’t just an acquaintance, someone you enjoy passing the time of day with. Friendship is something much deeper.” I personally believe that having a good friends is great, but having a brother/a sister who is a friend is even better. Turning the words of Maya Angelos to fit in friendship I would say, “Friendship is not always people you hang around with, people you exchange text on social media, they like your post and you like theirs, friends are the people in your life who want you in theirs, no matter the distance, no matter the looks and achievements, the one who accept you for who you are, the one who would do anything to see you smile, the one you can reach whatever time of the day it is, and who loves you no matter what.”

 In my family, I am well known for my friendliness even to those who may not be in good terms with my parents and siblings, I go to them with same smile and handshake while others get a warm hug. It is a spirit that I emulated from my late uncle who is my namesake “Joseph Luke”.

I made friends from the age of nine in every city I lived in or visited. Mombasa to Nairobi, to Kitui, from Kenya to Uganda, Germany, United States, Jamaica and recently Trinidad the chain of friendship is endless. Most are not just friends, most of them have turned to be family. Only a few persons are “just friends” because we didn’t bond well, they do not know me as I don’t know them. We are really acquaintances. After reading Pope Francis writing to the young people, I am now challenged to go beyond my small groups and to build ‘social friendship” where everyone works for the common good. I try my best to cultivate real friendships. This is what has happened to those friends I met from North Carolina and Louisiana, Uganda and Kenya and especially Jamaica. I don’t just become a friend, we go a step further to care so much for each other even though we are miles away, and we turned to be TRUE FRIENDS to each other. When we see each other after a long time, it is as if we have been in each other’s company all along.

Some friends I meet regularly and you may be fooled and think we are of the same biological linage. I met friends from Trinidad and Tobago, a week visit in Jamaica turned visitors to friends who turned to be true friends and Family. I visited them in 2017 and We simply continued to connect smoothly. This is Friendship to me, we went further than just knowing each other names to actually knowing the other person. There was no issues with each other’s skin and background, profession or talent, love just covered us all over. While on a mission in Kampala I met some Germans, and after working with them for nine months, we have kept contact. The friendship began in 2010 and we still talk as if we are seated next to each other today. 

• 

Many of us have friends that last many years. I am not talking of Instagram followers or Facebook friends. These are people we grew up with who turned to be our friends, and we lose their contact as we grow older. Other friendships are formed in our adulthood and we stay in touch as long as we were are in close proximity but busyness of life keep us apart as time goes on. All these friends fall somewhere in our hearts chambers, the heart-chamber where good friends and close friends fall, but there is this group that  don’t just fall but these friends are hosted in special part of the heart-chambers, these are ‘TRUE FRIENDS’. There is mutual caring and understanding between each heart. Additionally there is a bond that is formed that surpasses any distance and runs deep, time spent apart does not change the affection. Nothing changes the way you feel about one another. This is what I consider true friends, and those that fall into that category, I cherish them like gold or diamond.

I have a childhood friend, Solomon Nzomo, we call him Solo. We were altar servers together, we grew up in the same areas. At one point we dated or rather we had a crush on the same girl. Our friendship did not end, even after choosing different lifestyles, even before phones came into existence, we frequently exchanged letters. The last time I visited home, he hosted me for almost two months. His wife knew me before I met her, and after they got married we kept in contact. I couldn’t attend his wedding, but my sister went, and I did a video call to congratulate them. This is what I call true friends, true family. His family is my family, his mum chastises me just like my own mum. During my last visit she slaughtered chicken for me. (To slaughter chicken for someone is an honor in our culture). On the other hand, my mum loves Solo more than me I think, she always compares me with him. We love each other as brothers, and that is why I say, ”Having a friend is good, but having a brother who is a friend is even much better.”

Pope Francis in his writings wrote that, “Friendship is a gift from God.  It is not fleeting or temporary, but solid one of affection, that brings people together.” This made me have even more love for my friends. I experienced being flattered by someone I considered a father and a friend and it wounded me when I realized his real motives. When confronted, he disappeared from my life as if he never existed. This friendship almost destroyed me as I couldn’t believe a true friend could hurt another as thoughtlessly as he did. A faithful friend stands next to each other in wet and dry seasons. I hold on the friendship of our Lord Jesus. The qualities of a true friend can be copied from our Lord’s love, his gentle and consoling presence in our lives. The experience of friendship teaches us to be open, understanding and caring towards others, to come out our own comfortable isolation and share our lives with others. For this reason, “there is nothing so precious as a faithful friend” (Sir 6:15). This what I have learned for Jesus the true friend.

To us Christian, Jesus is a friend, that is what he calls Himself, “I do not call you servants any longer, but I call you friends” (Jn 15:15). By his gift of grace we are granted true friendship with Him and with that very love we get from him we too can share with others with the hope that they will too have a place in the community of friendship He establish. This friendship is so special that it cannot be broken. On the other hand, He is so in love with us that he never leaves us alone, even though at time in our life’s journey we may be seeing only one foot print, other times it may appear that He keeps silent. It is so amazing how He avails Himself in the moment we really need him (Jer 29:14); Like a shadow he remains by our side at all time, wherever we go (Jos 1:9). He is that kind of friend that never breaks their promises and covenant. He on returns ask for a very simple favor in return, that we do not abandon Him; “Abide in me” (Jn 15:4). And it amazes me even more that, even at time me and you do not keep our promises, we ignore him by staying away from Him, “He remains faithful, for He cannot deny Himself” (2Tim 2:13).

My Lord, if my tongue cannot say in every moment “I LOVE YOU MY FRIEND”, I want my heart to repeat it to you as often as I draw breath.

•