16th July 2021 – by kaka Lucas
Trust is said to be like glass when it is broken, yes it can be fixed but it will never be the same again, but in those moments let God Hold your broken heart. My formation life has been sweet and sour and I have experienced moments my heart was broken into pieces and yet I collected it glue it together, smear cow dang on it that it look exactly as if it never broke.
I hear my friends talk about how their spouse, bff’s and their friends have broken their hearts, but I smile because even as a religious be ready that your heart will be broken or maybe let’s use heavier word…. Your heart will be shattered not once or twice but maybe everyday by the people you list expect and those you see and think to be closer to God than god himself. And in those moments the only action you can take is not take hummer and break their hearts but rather as you cry it, you also offer it to God: “Here God, I am throwing it all to you, my pain, my fear, my confusion, you can have it all, you can hold my broken heart, smear it not with the blood of a cow or goat, but with the blood of the lamb, Jesus Christ and make it new again.”
We are all called to dare be vulnerable. The world doesn’t encourage this though but I will tell you that, you soon get broken again. Seat and listen to the inner voice, you must hear the Lord ask you “Will you let me love you?”
I do struggle to love back; I rather build a wall of unfriendliness than embrace someone who has broken my trust. C.S Lewis in his writings remind us that:
“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure if keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.”
It is easy to run with a bleeding wound. But there is a call to allow your heart to heal, however long the period will be, do not give up on trust by making my trust unbreakable. Dare be vulnerable.
Do not play around with your emotions. Name them, know them and honor those emotions. Its ok to be mad/sad. Actually, it is not that you are sad but actually you are concerned. We live in a world where sadness and grief aren’t entertained but rather fix the problem. Others try to numb themselves by reaching new people, watching Netflix, becoming busy, sleeping and entering into new relationships (personal experience). But that does not end or change the fact that your heart is grieving. Covering up don’t help nor does it heal the wound, allow healing to take place let the pain be felt to the bones. Psalms 30:5 tells us, “weeping may last for the night, but joy comes in the morning” that this too will pass. While the pain my time to heal, never overnight, but for sure the heart will heal.
I felt numb when I was told what “She” said. I couldn’t believe she could tell as I told her and the point is, not just from here but someone from miles away knows what went on. I was like….. How? …..Why? what led to what? I went to God since he knows what is going on, why did this happen when the other one hasn’t healed? Why did you allow it to happen? I should have known better. Did she love me as a family or like any other person on the road? Why do I have to go through heart breakup when I am at the end of every journey?
However, this leads me to overthink, speculate and replaying and analyzing every deatil of my relationship and friendship. Rather than allowing me to move forward, I remain stuck in a world of “what if’s’….. “should I continue?” I end up being frustrated that I can gain onsight to the situation and there through the prayer to the Holy Spirit I have learned to ask the right questions. The truth of the story is that, I probably will never know some of the answers to those questions, and I am not sure God intends me for me to. It time to switch my “whys” to “hows” and there and then progress will surely be mine.
“How can I love you best, God?” “How can I turn sadness to joy in the midst of these trials?” “Father God, what’s the lesson behind, I’m docile to your teaching!” “I want to trust you more, help me Lord!”
It is here where the journey begins, a journey towards a deep relationship with God who never breaks our trust, time to heal and grow. Jesus, I trust in you is a prayer of trust, don’t be afraid to pray it.
Some days, I am tempted not to never trust again, not to tell my story to no one, and never to open no matter what. This is because I never want to take risk, I don’t want anyone to play with my feelings. The pain of Broken Trust is not easy to heal. I am afraid to open my heart again, I am afraid to call you friend, sister, brother or even man of God, because you don’t know how to keep trust. I don’t want to be broken; I don’t want a Broken Trust.
Love and trust go together and I kaka struggle to hold on to a broken Love or Trust. But now C. S. Lewis put new vibes in me “I do not want my heart to become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. Because love is a beautiful thing (though it hurts), it is the greatest virtue, for “we love because God has loved us first” (1 John 4:19). And so! Me – kaka and you my friend can dare to be vulnerable, to put on trusting. I pray you do it courageously. “BROKEN TRUST”
Trust is said to be like glass when it is broken, yes it can be fixed but it will never be the same again, but in those moments let God Hold your broken heart. My formation life has been sweet and sour and I have experienced moments my heart was broken into pieces and yet I collected it glue it together, smear cow dang on it that it look exactly as if it never broke.
I hear my friends talk about how their spouse, bff’s and their friends have broken their hearts, but I smile because even as a religious be ready that your heart will be broken or maybe let’s use heavier word…. Your heart will be shattered not once or twice but maybe everyday by the people you list expect and those you see and think to be closer to God that god himself. And in those moments the only action you can take is not take hummer and break their hearts but rather as you cry it, you also offer it to God: “Here God, I am throwing it all to you, my pain, my fear, my confusion, you can have it all, you can hold my broken heart, smear it not with the blood of a cow or goat, but with the blood of the lamb, Jesus Christ and make it new again.”
We are all called to dare be vulnerable. The world doesn’t encourage this though but I will tell you that, you soon get broken again. But seat and listen to the inner voice, you must hear the Lord ask you “Will you let me love you?”
I do struggle to love back; I rather build a wall of unfriendliness that embrace someone who has broken my trust. C.S Lewis in his writings remind us that:
“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure if keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.”
It is easy to run with a bleeding wound. But there is a call to allow your heart to heal, however long the period will be, and not give up on love by making my love unbreakable. Dare be vulnerable.
Do not play around with your emotions. Name them, know them and honor those emotions. Its ok to be mad/sad. Actually, it is not that you are sad but actually you are concerned. We live in a world where sadness and grief aren’t entertained but rather fix the problem. Others are try to numb themselves by reaching new people, watching Netflix, becoming busy, sleeping and entering into new relationships (personal experience). But that does not end or change the fact that my heart is grieving. Covering up don’t help nor does it heal the wound, allow healing to take place let the pain be felt to the bones. Psalms 30:5 tells us, “weeping may last for the night, but joy comes in the morning” that this too will pass. While the pain my time to heal, never overnight, but for sure the heart will heal.
I felt numb when I was told what “She” said. I couldn’t believe she could tell as I told her and now not just here but someone from miles away knows what went on. I was like….. How? …..Why? what led to what? I went to God since he knows what is going on, why did this happen when the other one hasn’t healed? Why did you allow it to happen? I should have known better. Did she love me as a family or like any other person on the road? Why do I have to go through heart breakup when I am at the end of every journey?
However, this leads me to overthink, speculate and replaying and analyzing every deatil of my relationship and friendship. Rather than allowing me to move forward, I remain stuck in a world of “what it’s’….. “should I continue?” I end up being frustrated that I can gain onsight to the situation and there through the prayer to the Holy Spirit I have learned to ask the right questions. The truth of the story is that, I probably will never know some of the answers to those questions, and I am not sure God intends me for me to. It time to switch my “whys” to “hows” and there and then progress will surely be mine.
“How can I love you best, God?” “How can I turn sadness to joy in the midst of these trials?” “Father God, what’s the lesson behind, I’m docile to your teaching!” “I want to trust you more, help me Lord!”
It is here where the journey begins, a journey towards a deep relationship with God who never breaks our trust, time to heal and grow. Jesus, I trust in you is a prayer of trust, don’t be afraid to pray it.
Some days, I am tempted not to never trust again, not to tell my story to no one, and never to open no matter what. This is because I never want to take risk, I don’t want anyone to play with my feelings. The pain of Broken Trust is not easy to heal. I am afraid to open my heart again, I am afraid to call you friend, sister, brother or even man of God, because you don’t know how to keep trust. I don’t want to be broken; I don’t want a Broken Trust.
Love and trust go together and I kaka struggle to hold on to a broken Love or Trust. But now C. S. Lewis put new vibes in me “I do not want my heart to become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. Because love is a beautiful thing (though it hurts), it is the greatest virtue, for “we love because God has loved us first” (1 John 4:19). And so! Me – kaka and you my friend can dare to be vulnerable, to put on trusting. I pray you do it courageously.
JLucas (ONE LOVE ONE HEART) 
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