I can hold on as much as I am holding.I am known for my big heart but as a Capricorn, I have a character to duppy on people when I see them turning ghost on me.The biggest lesson I am learning as I journey through my 30’s is, by far, how to fade away on people.How to stop playing the guitar for goats to dance and stop whistling for crocodiles to come ashore. How to stop running after a friendship that is never there from the beginning, or that friendship interest that’d never taken time to return my calls, never be available to meet and catch up, never ask me out no matter how often I’ve asked them out before, or how clear I’ve been about how much I’d like to see them again. How there are never present to hold me when I am dropping down, or extend a hand when I want to be lifted from any sh*t I in.With a big loving caring heart wouldn’t stop pursuing these people. Now, I just let the friendship fade, gently like night coming in during the summertime.Fading away from people is about recognizing that my efforts are not reciprocated and that my time is valuable. If someone doesn’t want to spend their time with you, just stop offering them so much of it. Yes, it is not all about me, but I too need that peace of assurance that you are there.It is time to save some time for ‘Me’, and for the people around me who do make an effort to be in my life.Do you know both friendships and love interests require a mutual choice: it’s a two-way thing! you choose me, and I choose you. truly there’s a limit to how often one can tell the other, “I’m here” — and hold breath as they wait for them to act on their offer.I’m here: if you need me / when you’re ready / when you feel like it. I was watching a series and the slogan that was used by the characters was “How can I help” (New Amsterdam), the spirit of being there and the exact time, always, both sweet and sour moments.Now have learned there’s no need to say it more than a couple of times. If they won’t come to you, it’s not because they don’t know it’s an option.They will come to you if they need you / when they’re ready. There they will find the new ‘me’ and wonder!But most importantly, they’ll come to you when they feel like it. If they ever feel like it, that is. If you rise high enough on their priority list for them to even remember you exist.One Jamaican musician once sang and said, “ yuh nah go hold me down. No, I rather am alone. Mi ah rebel……..mi haah itch up unda nuh man arm like roll on.” Just to show that she was not a puppet show.If they forget, move on, let them fade away like darkness when the morning is coming.Make them go without resentment. Make them go with the understanding that you’re not letting the friendship fade away from the love story you may be sharing. You are letting the anxiousness of expecting your texts answered, your calls returned, your plans to see each other not cancelled for a change. Your tears dropping on hot dry ground, weak legs pulling the weight of your body down with no shoulder to lean on, or a hand to hand on a rag.Now my friends let these fake friends know this…….You’re fading away from expecting to be treated like you’d like to be treated. You’re fading away on hoping that, this time, things will be different; on hoping that, once they’re not as busy, they’ll reach out.You’re fading away from thinking there must be something wrong with you, and incessantly obsessing over what that might be. You’re fading away from believing you must be the problem, even though you haven’t done anything seriously wrong or messed up.You’re fading out on the belief that, once they start to miss you, they’ll realize the true depths of their loss — and they’ll regret ever letting you go.Of course, they might show up eventually — or never again. They’ll want something from you, and it’s up to you to give them what they want or not.There is nothing against them…… acting godly… there is still a place for them in my heart …I can take the opportunity to restore a lost friendship. It can be a beautiful, fulfilling experience. Is it?You did say you’d be “there when they needed you,” didn’t you?Aren’t you glad you didn’t hold your breath?As I progressed through my 30s, I’ve gradually learned how not to give up on people but rather fade away like morning in the dawn. I’ve learned to embrace the lightness that comes with lowering my expectations, with understanding that my best intentions won’t always be reciprocated — that they don’t have to be reciprocated.I’ve learned to accept I’m not entitled to anyone’s time, love or attention simply because I’ve freely offered them mine, and I’ve learned how to give up on people who don’t reciprocate any of that.These days, I don’t weigh myself down wondering if perhaps I’m the problem. If I make a mistake and hurt someone, I try my best to make amends, but I am going to fade away by trying to find an issue with my own conduct when there have been no complaints or no obvious misconduct on my part.I’ve faded away on obsessively wondering what is it that I might have done wrong to warrant someone else’s silence. If I’m essentially being ghosted, I don’t credit it to something I might have said or done (and don’t even know what is), but to the other person’s inability (or lack of interest) to come up and have a conversation about what’s been bothering them.And I just move on, as light as ever for having simply given up, because I can only hold on for as long as I hold.