BY Seminarian Lucas Joseph
Relationships are marked by happy and painful experiences. The beauty of relationships is revealed through our ability to “let go” of the hurt and forgive each other. We love to talk about forgiveness but we struggle to forgive each other.Turning the other cheek in the Gospel of Matthew sounds very weird. We question if Jesus was being naïve, joking or inconsiderate of the realities of most persons. If we take that advice in our Society today would many of us die? Maybe Yes! Maybe No! How can we make sense of these words. It sound crazy, it sound unreal to our ears, eyes and heart. On the other hand if we don’t heed these words , we’ll be denying what Our Lords advises us to do. Linking these words to the concept of forgiveness makes it more palatable.
Forgiveness comes from the heart, regardless of whether or not the other person apologized from their very heart or not. We should not let our humanness be the reason to fall and hold grudges. It may take time to make a move but the move will be possible if we are mindful of our humanness and the humanness of others. Consider the the human experiences of others that motivate negative behavior in others. Even when justifiably angry try to look at others with the eyes of love. Truly, it’s easy to be positive when everything in our relationships appears to be ‘good’. We are tested when our relationships become difficult or we are hurt, when we experience pain that’s can lead to unforgiveness. Can our minds remain positive when our hearts can let it go? No one said it would be easy for it is about the journey as well as the destination. We should exam our hurt feelings, work through it on the path to forgiveness.
The Lord’s Prayer is one of the hardest prayers I have ever prayed. Being conscious of each word I utter makes me feel always guilty of dishonesty. The words “forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who forgive against us.” haunt me. It takes a courageous soul to live these words. It takes courage to honestly profess the words ‘I am sorry, and I forgive’ from deep within where the best comes from, above all it takes a loving heart to really practice these words without having two faces. Love is the best ‘honey’ to catch the hurting heart, and in the world today, being good is not a shield from getting hurt but a tarmac that paves the path to forgiveness. I believe it is time to practice what we pray or preach, ‘forgive my sins Lord as I forgive those who sin against me’. Be real to this and say it consciously.
I have been hurt severely in my life by people of my inner circle and it has taken long before I came to terms with reality of forgiveness. I am still working through some painful experiences. In the society I joined as a missionary, I thought I found a family, but this very family can sometimes turn into an enemy. One on the surface ‘not so serious’ incident occurred a few months ago. A ‘brother’ manipulated others around us and caused me great inconvenience and hurt. I admit that I also cried because it came on the heels of other incidents. The incident involved the usage of the community car. I had asked in advance for the community car, did all that was required to have it for a function I helped organize and was scheduled to give a speech at , “my brother” went around my back and asked the bigger authority for it, I could not resist. I was vexed, I let tears roll, I spoke with someone about it, I gave a call to the authority and let them know how I felt. By the time ‘my brother’ came for the car key, I gave it with a smile even though I received no apology from him. That’s when I knew yes I was on road to maturity. I did not curse, I did not stop what I was doing, and I do not feel anything against him. Note that, I did not forget.
Maturity is facing the pain and we are healed by it’s in facing the pain. We do it not for ourselves but for the other. Thus is never easy with human eyes. It turns easy if we recognize Christ in others. We see Jesus in people and always contemplate these words, “What Would Jesus Do” if he was in my shoes. On the other hand, asking yourself question like, “What hurts me most in this situation, what makes me feel pain?” would lead us to RESPOND in healthier ways than REACT at the moment, reactions that may come with unbearable consequences. Evaluation of what is happening helps us to respond in a thoughtful manner, mindful of the other, and recognize where we personally may be involved in the hurt. Reacting without wisdom can be very damaging. There is beauty in forgiveness. We forgive others not because they deserve our forgiveness, but because we deserve peace! Yes that’s the BEAUTY, I sound dramatic or sarcastic but that is the reality. The beauty is not what we do to others but to self. Forgiveness allows us to change our perspective. This change of perspective occurs as we work through the process of forgiving. It is not simply about forgiving and forgetting. We forgive and we learn a lesson that will guide us in the future from each experience.
You give what you have, what you haven’t you may not be able to give. The grace to forgive is a gift from God. When we forgive we accept the failures of others and ourselves. We see the whole scenario in a different way and we empathize. It is in this moment that we practice this gift that we learn not just to forgive, but rather we forgive and reconnect with God, with ourselves and with others. In all forgiving practices, it has to start with God and end with “OURSELVES”. This is a crucial time where there is link-up and conversation with God, self and others. Some boundaries are maintained while other boundaries are broken down during this process. Boundaries like snapping at others, body languages and ignorance are broken, allowing ourselves to point out the hurts, and listen to the other side point of view. Things may not be the same with others, but the connection must be there. It may be hard to do the same things same way again but let there be love, respect and hope for a better future. In this manner the Sacrament of Reconciliation reconnects us to God, to self and to others. The act of accepting forgiveness requires trusting the other person’s humanness. In his Homily Archbishop Charles Jason Gordon once asked, “Why! Why are we holding back from giving grace and forgiving when God held nothing back from us?”
JLucas (ONE LOVE ONE HEART) 
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