Every day during night prayers or before bed 🛌 I am to do an examination of conscious. I have failed to do it as frequent, as intentional and deliberate as I should. I am in Commited group where I’m always reminded by our very name to remain Commited to my well being spiritually, mentally and emotionally.

Robert Tew once said, “Respect yourself enough to walk away from anything that no longer serves you, grow you, or makes you happy.” ….. let that absorb in your heart ❤️ and in your very being.

My very heart has a date with me every night but many are the dates i turn him down by not showing of the date table. After a long day he’s the only one by me, ready to clap, tap and slap me for the achievements, progress and failures of the day. He talks to me sweetly for it’s only me and him. He’s so detailed to all that goes on during the day and even though I may forget most part, he remembers them. He loves me so much to remember the bitter bitter words and actions that were thrown to me that my big ears heard and my four eyes saw and my lips shivered to say something, sometimes I say other times I keep calm and just look.

He also remembers similar occasions from the past and my reaction towards them. He’s more than my memory chip. I’m stills turned how he can recall everything I choose to ignore and those I choose to accept with no argument, all these as if it happened yesterday.

“Me” has soft voice and his altering words is very concerning and loving. He talks to me in a very calm way. I know “Me” must be mad with me most time, because I am not committed lover. I’m always tired to listen to him while other times i destruct myself and ignore his beautiful set date table. His talks sometimes are too sharp for me to take, so what I prefer is just to lay on my bed and allow sleep take me peacefully.

With all the frustrations and disappointments have had for the past few months I prefer to stay on bed all day and do nothing. But Me is so concerned of me that he takes my hand in his and ask me to get up. He wipes my eyes and touch my chicks lovingly just to make feel loved and wanted. After whispering a prayer to God, Me then gets me out of bed gently. Even when I don’t want to, I find myself holding that gentle hand and follow it.

My room has a sink and a mirror, so me takes me in front of it, Up to now my eyes are half closed, I’m still sleepy and I’m wondering what is he trying to show me? And then in front of of the mirror I widely open my eyes while stretching my young bones. Oooh wow! It is handsome, young man. He’s handsome with loving eyes, Capricorn ♑️ who never shy from who he is and who is never ashamed of his story. Deep voice that shakes the auditorium and longing to be a servant. Boy! Boy! Boy! This gentleman is handsome wow! As much as he is wounded, he is still awesome being, lovable boy. Son of pio. I could not stop adoring this handsome gentleman and me is still there, standing straight as always looking at me with a big unending smile.

And boom, I wake up or should I say i unfroze …… and come back to reality. My heart ❤️ was pumping 100 kmp, ‘is it too fast?’ …… And I tap me and ask, “hey, who’s he? How I wish to be like him.” Me answered with a smile 😊, “it’s YOU, only if you recommit yourself!”

I broke down in tears and recommitted myself to me and now we are two inseparable being.