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Today we celebrate the feast of saint Augustine. He is well known for his adventurous life both spiritually and physically. One of his known quotes is that “Since love grows within you, so beauty grows. For love is the beauty of the soul.”

Having little knowledge of saint Augustine, I still admire his way of life.i think he is one of those persons who knew how to tell God, “I am not ok”. And I am learning to say too, “I AM NOT OKAY!”  

Living a missionary life for 13 years there is one great lie that has carried through my life. You too….!

Lemme ask you… have you ever been chatting with a friend and felt a big relief while doing it, because whatever it is that you are talking about would have been weighing you down? That moment when you get something off your chest and you let out a big sigh after that? ……….

This summer I cannot lie I had a lot in my life, physically, mentally, and spiritually…these moments when stress, anxiety, anger, or even fear as to my situation hold on to us like a tick…. Having a chat with a friend, speaking about it becomes a moment of letting go and allowing God to be/in.

I am a human as you are and no profession or vocation in life that immunes me from stress, anxiety, pressure, fear and anger. And while loaded with these problems, burden and tiredness, we can end up lying to ourselves ….. I am fine, or other time we state, I am very very fine…. while on the other hand we think “no one wants to listen, no one wants to hear about my problems (maybe because of broken trust). These are normal feelings and sharing them doesn’t turn us into a burden. Sharing our load of problems lightens the load. Just do it with a trustworthy person. Even Jesus had Simon of Cyrene help him carry the cross.

There is a big roll of a lie that when we are asked “how are you” we quickly answer… “I am fine” but truth be told, we are inwardly freaking out…we are insecure…we are not okay…we are exhausted or we are emotional …… true or false?

As much as we want to be fine, we will never be 100% fine. This is the reality of our broken world.  Being religious and loving God doesn’t immune us from life’s struggles.  Living that faith is facing the struggles and persevering to the end. While carrying them to the heart of Jesus, and on the way asking for help ….. This is not easy.

It is surprising how despite the challenges and struggles of life, God has provided us with people, occasion, and locations in our lives to help us on the journey. Knowing who to talk to, where to go or even what to do can help us when life throws us curveballs. These will play as backup, your support, your people to just be real with. It is always helpful to have such people, places and occasions that help you to release.

Today I made dinner for the brothers. It was wonderful sharing and before we dismissed the dining table turned into a music room …. Who does that ….? hahahahaha it was fun.

It is in this house I come to “let go” …. When the formation house is unbearable and the environment is toxic, I come here to rejuvenate. Actually, this is one year since I started the practice of coming here. I call it ‘my mountain place, place of transfiguration’. Whenever I come here, I have a brother almost my age who just allows me to chat…even sometimes I notice I am giving too much information I do not care. There is another younger than me that shares a lot of characteristics. And for him he allows me to lean on his shoulder physically and spiritually. When I don’t want trouble, I stay in his room, sleep on his bed and just be there. And after my every visit, I go back ‘transfigured’. I go back honestly “FINE”.

When it comes to sharing what is going on with us, we don’t have to have perfect words. To me it doesn’t have to have systematic flow….and it doesn’t need me to talk. Occasions like laughter during meals and jokes in the corridor allows me to be and let whatever may be burdening me. To me it is another way of being reminded that I am loved…wanted…needed. And appreciated.

Some things are unshareable. But by praying and being guided by the holy spirit we find other ways of resting our burden by Jesus’ feet.

I pray for patience with myself because sharing is easy for me, and it sometimes lands me into trouble. But learning to find other healthier ways to let go of those burdens, including writing my blog, have helped me jump hips of problems I can’t imagine I am jumping into now.

Sharing our loads and picking up our crosses is not something easy, especially in our world full of broken trust…. But deep within it is healthy for it lightens the burden. Christ works through those around us to bring peace and healing that was made for me and you.

As much as fear may be scaring you back from sharing, find persons, places and occasions that bring back the energy. Maybe you can turn your dining table to music as we did tonight. Find your support system, stick with it and nature it. On the other hand, Jesus will provide the graces necessary for you to take courage, step up and let others help you. Just know that your thoughts , feelings, words are valid and have meaning. Letting others know that you are not fine or okay is the beginning of letting God in, allowing Him to love you and work in our lives.

Turn your dining table to a music room and find other ways to lay off your troubled heart.