By kaka Lucas. 29th April 2021

Doubt can be so powerful in each one of us lives. It can actually control and enslave
everything that we do. Like Thomas in the Gospel, we all want to see and touch and when
these occasions do not provide themselves, we go head long to doubt. It is when we feel
swallowed up in doubt, just like that day in closed room when Jesus appeared from nowhere
and acclaimed, “Peace be with you” so will he when surrender and throwing the towel is the
only option. It is at that moment gratitude start flowing like a river.
There is this French author Honore de Balzac once wrote, “When you doubt your power, you
give power to your doubt.”
We all have that voice in our head, so noisy and adamant…… you can never do it….. You
will never be good enough…..you are going to fail anyway….! You are never gonna make
it…..! This voice is always very loud and noisy. This voice taunts us whenever we set a goal.
It criticizes when life gets difficult. It beats us down when we are struggling to stand up
against its running commentary. It is in these moment this voice brings all the past failure and
hurts just to show you how dark life can be.
But you know what? …. We should never let self-doubt bother us, even though it is a sneaky
critter. Something we cannot contain it and it slips past our barriers. It is life trying to hold
slimy liquid with our hands, it always find spaces between our fingers to slim down and nasty
us.
For the past few months I have been fighting ‘Mr. Doubt’. He has been so greedy even after I
gave him many chances. When he lost, he devoured my confidence, stripped my logic and
reason from my very mind, and he stole happiness from my heart. In return, he left me with
only fear and insecurity. He was merciless.
I went to meditate trying to remove him. I forced him out of me by thinking positive, which
was hard to make it move. I had to grease the ground with oil of gratitude and thanksgiving
and push Mr Doubt out. The more I fought him, the more he fought back. However, with self￾knowledge and understanding, I was able to use it against Mr. Doubt.
Rather than being an obstacle in our lives, an enemy …. Doubt is simply the reality of a
choice. Making a choice to placing faith in oneself or placing faith in once fear is choice one
has to make courageously.
The weird thing is that neither of these options is wrong, so long as we are choosing the best
option for us. Like doubt, fear is not the enemy. It is the reality of risk. But what does this all
mean for the very life you are choosing to live? How can you move forward when doubt has
kept you trapped in stagnation for days, weeks, months, or even years on end?
This drains me for real. This is why I always say, “Struggle is real”
Without desire, there is no doubt. Whether it is a happy life, a promotion at work, a passing
grade, graduation or success in a mission, doubt takes roots when the bridge between where
we are at and what we want feels too unstable to cross. Or on other way, someone or
something is standing in the middle of the very bridge not allowing you to pass through. And what makes it looks so impossible is that those you may want to help you clear the way aren’t
available or willing to see the obstacle between.
In this moment therefore, when it comes to facing doubt, our first step is to take a good hard
look at the goal or desire we have in the first place. It is time to turn your neck and see where
you first began and why you began. PERIOD!
Again, doubt is normal, how we treat it is what makes it what it is. Doubt doesn’t just creep
up on us like a ton bricks when we least expect it. As waswahili would say, “Usipoziba ufa,
utajenga ukuta” this is to say, if you do not fill in a crack on a wall, you will build a wall.
When doubt hit us, we start to doubt our calling, our worth, and even our own identity in
Christ. We all deal with doubt in our own ways. In those moments when it hits me hard, I
like talking it out with my spiritual director and trusted friend and most of what I wrote here
is as a results of the answers I got when I was battling in with Mr. Doubt.
During my time in war zone with Mr. Doubt I am learning to cultivate an attitude of bravery.
Bravery is a conscious choice to move forward despite risk. It is a choice from deep within
made in full recognition of the value of potential reward, and it is a choice made in the full
knowledge that, even if reward is not achieved, the effort will have been worth the risk. It is
by choosing bravery in the face of fear that we cultivate confidence in our lives.
This confidence, this attitude of bravery, is something we develop over time. As we do, here
are a few tips to guide you in your journey:
Rather than allowing guilt and shame to permeate your life, leading you further into blocks
and deepening the resistance you feel to getting started, let’s choose to recognize doubt for
what it is: a safety check in the face of risk. Where there is risk, there’s the opportunity for
great reward. Reward that is valuable, creatively fulfilling, and worth cultivating confidence
to achieve. Don’t you agree?
So why be Thomas, the doubting Thomas. Be brave never give up, don’t doubt. He who
began it in your life will bring it to fulfilment.