– kaka Lucas. 23rd March 2021

                          Are you afraid like me?  

I didn’t know Indians can be afraid of cockroaches after they are believed to catch snakes and kill, and curry the meat. Father Francis fears cockroaches. I was amazed by that.

 Everyone has fear, I do too and a lot of fear, the chain is endless. Don’t you fear?

Everyone has fear, especially this time that we have another terrible lockdown. This fear is really row and real, so real that it seems not real. Lemme tell you my fears…it’s been gradually increasing but it is getting to a different level with this new lockdown.

I am mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually getting exhausted by corona. With lockdown again and again and with less movement and more staying indoor by self I feel more fear and more anxious.

When will I ever go to visit my mother? It’s been six years away from home. When will I go home and say hello mame I love you I am here with you for a month. I am fearing anything can happen as it is already happening, people are dying just like nothing is happening. I am still in fear, my brother died and I wasn’t near to hug my nieces and nephews when they most needed me. What even freaks me more is that if she closed her eyes at this moment I may not be able to be there with all these restrictions and airports being locked down that no one goes in or out. I am afraid.

Yes I am afraid of this virus, if I get it I may just die. I will die anyway but what will I have accomplished in this world for God. I have done very little that I feel like I wasted my visit and tour here on earth. I haven’t done anything that I am 100% proud of myself and God smiles at it….I will die anyway.

I am afraid with the way the world is going online including spiritual activities that I was used to do outside aren’t gonna happen anymore. No Holy Week … the Easter I know. I am not going to be on Jesus shoes for at list two hours as I am used every year. I was always wanted when Good Friday comes. And as I wrote the other blog, Good Friday, What is good about it…. I am not needed anymore.

Today it is frightening how numbers are rising and some of us we are not taking it serious to protect ourselves and those around us.

I am to graduate this year… no! I was to graduate a year ago, and someone just took pleasure in stumbling down everything into nothing. I am fearing that though I am graduating soon, along with this one course, the final step to my bachelors that is giving me headache I am fearing what will be next move. I am also fearing to fail, English is not my mouth and I have to speak it anyway. It turns even harder when I have to write it down.

I feel fear running up my spine opposite the thin drop of sweat that is dropping from the back of my back… out of fear. After my graduation what next? The silence around me is just making me to freak even more. Added that I cannot hear anything much apart from whatever sound comes from my computer or other gadgets, it makes me have that chill of fear. Does anyone care at all? Is there anyone feeling how I am feeling. Is there anyone sensitive to what is happening around and within each one of us? I don’t think so especially with the silence. 

Yes the fear is real, and the chain of fear can get long as time goes inside my room. The devil is watching every move I make, many are time he has made me fall like a sack of potatoes. That is not the issue but the point is some are the time I want to remain there a little longer. In that dark place that no one sees or seem to see anyway. Then I remember my redeemer lives and I rise up and brush off myself and continue the walk. Not long because I am by myself I fall again and rise up again. I am getting tired for sure, am getting exhausted for real.

I now surrender, lifting my hands up for Jesus to lift me the way He lifted Peter. I am destructed by the waves in the sea of my very life and unless I love, have faith and hope, I am going to lose this battle soon or later. Jesus help me!

EVERYONE IS FEARING: This virus has caused fear and worry in the hearts of many people all over the world. Raw and real is fear in our today world and society. It is creepy, it creeps up on us out of the blue; it paralyses us; as it is to me, it makes us irrational. An unpleasant emotion caused by a real or perceived threat of danger, pain, or harm, fear can hinder us from living out meaningful lives. My stomach is frozen sometime, my whole body is like of a statue even when I am walking and moving around. I can feel my heart pumping, one beat after another. It is fear around and within me.

When I look around and see all wearing mask, gun shorts and reports of violence all around. It is freaking fearful.

What are your fear this time? Is it holding you back….. Holding you from moving forward …fear of safety, fear of sacrifice and fear of failure among many other.  

With covid19 we all are afraid of being unsafe. Who is not concerned about risks? Going to the shopping centre, beach or traveling abroad is becoming an issue. People feel unsafe, in danger and not easy or convenient. Thinking of the price one has to pay if they get this virus makes one numb to move. Who wants to dare?

But the scripture reminds us not to be afraid. Don’t be afraid is mentioned 365 times in the Bible. Fear itself is not a bad thing. Fear tells us where we feel the most vulnerable and can guide us to place our trust in Jesus.

“Don’t be afraid,” Su-Ling says. “Think of it as a journey, and God is inviting you to take the first step. “As you do, the Lord of the Harvest Himself will equip you with all that you need for the good works He has prepared for you.” There is no fear in love, but perfect love cast out fear.” (1John 4:8a).

You know what guys… with all the fear that is running in me, God’s mission is bigger that anyone of us. Bigger than any virus that can cling in our system. We can all feel afraid and overwhelmed. But you were designed for more.