BY Seminarian Joseph Lucas. 20th June 2020

What really makes it a “Happy Father’s Day?”

Often in our society, we associate memorable experiences with the dollar amount spent to create that memory. Will it ever be enough?

When I was growing up I was not so lucky to spend much time with my dad. I cannot complain for it was not under my control nor his. If he was alive today, maybe I would not want him to feel the gap, the absence coz it would have made him feel bad. I would never want him to regret not spending much time with me. He does not deserve it. Yes I felt alone in my childhood, and even now I do feel alone sometime because I long to have had a dad, my own paps around. I wanted to learn from him, and I wanted him to teach me how to do things. I wanted him to teach me how to be a great man, just like him, or like the great men I see around.

It’s another time of the year we remember our ‘fathers’. It is never sweet time for me as friends get to their pockets to spend to make their father happy. Others take time to be with their aging fathers while others visit their father’s grave. I am always by myself thinking about my baba. I lost my pap’s in genocide of Rwanda in 1994. I have friends too who have lost their papa while we were growing.  Losing a parent is never easy, no matter the age, time, season or condition. Over the time the grieve shows itself in different faces and often during the holidays and special moments, these among others can be painful moments as we recall them. Father’s day is a sad moment to me I do not about you, it’s like I am saying goodbye all over again. It is even more painful that I wasn’t able to say the official goodbye, I do know he died in the genocide, but I wish I was there to hold is head, to comfort him and assure him my love. But all that never happen. Not even a grave have I seen that I may lay a wreath of flowers as a sign of my love.

Baba I would love to visit your grave, but I have no idea where they laid you to rest. I would love to bring nice rose flowers but I have never visited your homeland. I am planning next year to do that. I want to spend time beside those bones in Rwanda, I want to just talk and let all that I have out. I want to be with you papa. I not going to mourn like those who have no faith, I still believe in resurrection and life after, but I feel I was robed time with my man.

As we celebrate father’s day, it is a good time to be thankful, a moment to create memorable memories too, but on the other hand, it is time to remember those who have nothing to create for being fatherless. Many people find it hard to talk about their father’s death or even their experience with them. It took me almost 25 years to say what really happened.  But have found ways to maintain the connection with him through my writing. My grieving have been in control after reading the scriptures and listening to other people’s stories. Its so sad that I don’t know the songs he liked, not even food or dress cord he loved to put on. I was too young to catch those memorable time. But I can remember his smiles. I also remember he was a long distance truck driver and I too love driving out to the country side.  This is the only favourite thing I remember about baba.

This year I am going to do it differently, I will spend time with my friend’s father, he is a older man, but his vibes are so real. I want to feel that featheriness.  I would have wished to stay in my room tomorrow, in my pajamas, all by myself watching Netflix but lifes love surrounds me all around. I am grateful, so thankful that I have met great men in my life, in this mission. Men who have taken me in their homes, in their families and in their very lives, and I do cherish their fatherliness.

Years have gone and I am old enough to have my own family. But even though I have chosen different path from norm of the society, to remain celibate. I would love to build a family where I will be ministering. I will enjoy playing football in the driveway during summer with my boys and girls in the parish, as we do it in Jamaican. Go for ice-cream at Devon house in the evenings and holiday time. Maybe cycle around the community enjoying the evening breeze. Going to swim in the river and beaches as it is our Caribbean culture. Just have fun with them as my own gift from God.

When I get to be a ‘father’ I would love to earn my “children” love not through gifts and money but rather through time I dedicate to them. Despite the work that will be given to me, I will work tirelessly to be involved in as many of their passions as I possibly can. Their birthdays and anniversaries, trip to the countryside to visit their family members and graduation from one degree to the next. I will give them as much of my time and I will impart my life lessons to them the best I can. I will work tirelessly to make sure they have everything they need, not so much materially but spiritually for that is what I am called to contribute to.

As we celebrate father day 2020, I believe, and I trust that this goes to all fathers out there, those with their own children and those who are bring up ‘jackets’. I want you to know that your time, is in fact the best gift you can give your kids and those who consider you a father. This includes your sisters and brothers children, your neighbour’s children and the whole society at large. Remember, a child is brought up in a community and by the community. It is the most precious assets add more than 24 hours to the day. I know it may be easy said than done, but it is a challenge to each one of us that has to take upon their shoulders, to spend quality time with our children. Do things that they enjoy and make it a habit to not let technology rob you of your time with them. Nor do not let the society norms separate you from them in any way. Neither the world that encourages getting rid of them from their conception. 

It is amazing how your kids will always remember the time they played soccer with you. That time you sat down to be re-socialised by your daughter and learn how to play video game, or that time you took to teach them how to ride a bike, or drive a car. The taste of that ice-cream that you shared will remain with them forever because they were spending time with their favourite person in the world.

Tarrus & Konshens in their song – “Simple things are your blessings takes me to appreciation of fathers, having had one or not it doesn’t matter. His lyrics are deep and very thoughtful to our society today. It reminds us of the simple things we take for granted. Fathers especially. We think since mothers carried us for nine months they are more special, more of a blessings than fathers, but the questions remain do you think she could have had you without the man you call your father. The partnership is equal. And as simple as it is, it is a blessing. Now that you are a man and a father to be, allow me to write as it is, “You spend all that money on your watch. How much time you spend with your son? So much money in the club.  How much you spend with the ones you love?” Are you really a father? Do you want to be a father? Why?

It does not matter your experience with your father my friend. Therefore, so that we all swing joyfully into life’s purpose, I encourage you with the words of Pope Francis, “Living together is an art, a patient, beautiful, fascinating journey. It does not end once you have won each other’s love… Rather, it is precisely there where it begins! This journey of every day has a few rules that can be summers up in three phrases which you already said, phrases which I have already repeated many times to families, and which you have already learned to use among yourselves: May I – that is, “Can I,” you said – thank you and I am sorry.” HAPPY FATHERS DAY – 2020